For the past couple weeks since returning from Ethiopia, I've been at a loss of words in how to express the trip and my experience in general. Even when talking about specific events, I can't seem to convey how important those events were to me or how they changed my life directly. Or even how important the whole trip to Ethiopia was to me.

It wasn't until two weeks later (tonight) that I finally found myself needing to write.

Upon returning I've been swallowed with the fear of failing; the fear of becoming nothing; the fear of being forgotten. Failing in the sense of not finding a job. The fear that I will let my failure or fear of failure consume me. Thus the fear of being forgotten because I will be found irrelevant.

There are those in the village of Korah, in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia who feel the same as I do now. But my fears are simply because I'm in this awkward transition that normal post-graduates all go through. Finding a place in this world. This is only temporary, the feelings I'm feeling. But those in Korah are almost stuck in that spot. They are rejected for having illness or being jobless. Rejected for things they can't help, for the most part. These people are all in Korah because the general population of Addis Ababa have found them irrelevant. They try to find jobs and try to support themselves and family but it's nearly impossible with this rejection they are faced with.

As I'm filling out job applications and not hearing anything back, I found myself feeling expendable. I jumped through the hoops. Attended college. Graduated. Currently hold a bachelor's degree. It was discouraging coming back from a two week trip to find no voicemails asking to set up interviews for a job position. I found myself questioning my worth- coming up from nothing to only find myself being faced with nothing. I continually would question "How much more would I have to work to only get my head above water?" But then the people in Ethiopia came to mind.

People in Korah try to jump through the hoops but are constantly denied for reasons they sometimes cannot help. For example, a woman we met jumps through her own hoops to survive but a woman with HIV is not looked highly upon. Her rent was raised per month and she has to walk an unnecessary distance to gather water for her and her son. Her home is small. It's unfair how much she has to work to barely survive. Starting with nothing only to be found with nothing.
Yet, her smile is radiant. Her son was a joy to us all. She and her son encouraged all of us because of the love she expels from herself.

There's a Switchfoot song called "Love alone is worth the fight". I was driving one night in my car, decompressing from my time in Ethiopia and when the chorus struck, I found myself in tears. There was a new meaning to that song.
The reason the people in Korah depend on each other and are able to expel this love, is because they have nothing else to depend on. They love each other because that's all they have. Relationally, they are rich.
America is rich in materials but we are severely deprived in relationships.
These people have made the choice that love is worth the fight. They depend on this god they can't see only because they don't have these material possessions to distract them or tell them believe there isn't a god. They have nothing to lose, from their perspective.
It hit me that they find love alone is worth the fight. Only love. They keep going because they have no other choice. They keep going because they have a son or a family they are fighting for because they love them.
So, when playing bible bingo tonight, I read the verse "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matthew 6:25-26) and I realized that I will be okay because God has found that love alone is worth the fight. My relationship with God is more important than a college degree or a job application.
My fear of failure will dissipate the second I get a job offer and my own self value will rise at that moment. But those in Korah only need each other for their self value to increase. It's remarkable. They are able to be as happy as they are because they have each other. As they jump through these hoops that will most likely trip them, they don't find being tripped as a determinate of self worth. It's merely an obstacle. They find their love and worth in the people surrounding them.

I think I need to learn a lesson from this. No matter what I will always have people surrounding me, encouraging me, and keeping me accountable. A job is only temporary. These feelings I currently have are temporary because God has found me more valuable than the birds of the air and has decided I'm worth caring for.

So, if I come away from Ethiopia with one thing, it's that love will reign and these possessions I have or these fears I have are only temporary. Love alone is worth the fight.