For the past couple weeks since returning from Ethiopia, I've been at a loss of words in how to express the trip and my experience in general. Even when talking about specific events, I can't seem to convey how important those events were to me or how they changed my life directly. Or even how important the whole trip to Ethiopia was to me.
It wasn't until two weeks later (tonight) that I finally found myself needing to write.
Upon returning I've been swallowed with the fear of failing; the fear of becoming nothing; the fear of being forgotten. Failing in the sense of not finding a job. The fear that I will let my failure or fear of failure consume me. Thus the fear of being forgotten because I will be found irrelevant.
There are those in the village of Korah, in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia who feel the same as I do now. But my fears are simply because I'm in this awkward transition that normal post-graduates all go through. Finding a place in this world. This is only temporary, the feelings I'm feeling. But those in Korah are almost stuck in that spot. They are rejected for having illness or being jobless. Rejected for things they can't help, for the most part. These people are all in Korah because the general population of Addis Ababa have found them irrelevant. They try to find jobs and try to support themselves and family but it's nearly impossible with this rejection they are faced with.
As I'm filling out job applications and not hearing anything back, I found myself feeling expendable. I jumped through the hoops. Attended college. Graduated. Currently hold a bachelor's degree. It was discouraging coming back from a two week trip to find no voicemails asking to set up interviews for a job position. I found myself questioning my worth- coming up from nothing to only find myself being faced with nothing. I continually would question "How much more would I have to work to only get my head above water?" But then the people in Ethiopia came to mind.
People in Korah try to jump through the hoops but are constantly denied for reasons they sometimes cannot help. For example, a woman we met jumps through her own hoops to survive but a woman with HIV is not looked highly upon. Her rent was raised per month and she has to walk an unnecessary distance to gather water for her and her son. Her home is small. It's unfair how much she has to work to barely survive. Starting with nothing only to be found with nothing.
Yet, her smile is radiant. Her son was a joy to us all. She and her son encouraged all of us because of the love she expels from herself.
There's a Switchfoot song called "Love alone is worth the fight". I was driving one night in my car, decompressing from my time in Ethiopia and when the chorus struck, I found myself in tears. There was a new meaning to that song.
The reason the people in Korah depend on each other and are able to expel this love, is because they have nothing else to depend on. They love each other because that's all they have. Relationally, they are rich.
America is rich in materials but we are severely deprived in relationships.
These people have made the choice that love is worth the fight. They depend on this god they can't see only because they don't have these material possessions to distract them or tell them believe there isn't a god. They have nothing to lose, from their perspective.
It hit me that they find love alone is worth the fight. Only love. They keep going because they have no other choice. They keep going because they have a son or a family they are fighting for because they love them.
So, when playing bible bingo tonight, I read the verse "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matthew 6:25-26) and I realized that I will be okay because God has found that love alone is worth the fight. My relationship with God is more important than a college degree or a job application.
My fear of failure will dissipate the second I get a job offer and my own self value will rise at that moment. But those in Korah only need each other for their self value to increase. It's remarkable. They are able to be as happy as they are because they have each other. As they jump through these hoops that will most likely trip them, they don't find being tripped as a determinate of self worth. It's merely an obstacle. They find their love and worth in the people surrounding them.
I think I need to learn a lesson from this. No matter what I will always have people surrounding me, encouraging me, and keeping me accountable. A job is only temporary. These feelings I currently have are temporary because God has found me more valuable than the birds of the air and has decided I'm worth caring for.
So, if I come away from Ethiopia with one thing, it's that love will reign and these possessions I have or these fears I have are only temporary. Love alone is worth the fight.
Friday 21 August 2015
Sunday 19 April 2015
T-minus 2.5 months
My mission trip to Ethiopia with my church is still on its way! Which means I still need to fundraise!
You have a couple options if you would like to help;
I'm still selling bracelets for $5 for any color you want!
I'm also having a raffle for 2 iTunes gift cards worth $10 dollars. In order to be part of the raffle, you can purchase a single raffle ticket for $1, 5 tickets for $3, or 10 tickets for $7 dollars. The raffle will be held sometime in May (I'll determine the date) and contact the owners of those raffle ticket numbers. If you want to partake, contact me personally either via facebook, email, or phone.
Or you can donate to my paypal (click the donate link :) )
Donate here!
Either way, I appreciate the support I've already received and the general support in going on this trip! Please consider donating or at least praying for the trip. I appreciate everyone's prayers and thoughts!
You have a couple options if you would like to help;
I'm still selling bracelets for $5 for any color you want!
I'm also having a raffle for 2 iTunes gift cards worth $10 dollars. In order to be part of the raffle, you can purchase a single raffle ticket for $1, 5 tickets for $3, or 10 tickets for $7 dollars. The raffle will be held sometime in May (I'll determine the date) and contact the owners of those raffle ticket numbers. If you want to partake, contact me personally either via facebook, email, or phone.
Or you can donate to my paypal (click the donate link :) )
Donate here!
Either way, I appreciate the support I've already received and the general support in going on this trip! Please consider donating or at least praying for the trip. I appreciate everyone's prayers and thoughts!
Tuesday 17 February 2015
More fundraising business
I’m currently on the mission (pun, get it?) to fund my mission trip to Ethiopia July 28th- August 11th, 2015 with Everett First Covenant.
This trip has been a challenging decision- I’ve been going back and forth from deciding if I should go or not, if this is actually what God wants me to do or if this is just something I’ve made myself believe.
Well, when I would decide I couldn’t go, something in the back of my mind would always be there making me think that I need to go, to do this. So. I’m committing, trusting God, and going.
My fears going into this trip is the timing of it. Although this is a short term trip, I’m going right after graduation. Knowing this, I really believe that God planned this accordingly.
I say that because this trip takes place a month after I graduate and I’ve been hit with the reality that although getting myself through college was challenging, at least I had the opportunity to attend a secondary education institution and that we can’t take this opportunity for granted.
This year when we go to Kore, Ethiopia, we will be supplying the children with school uniforms, school registration fees, lunchboxes, backpacks- the essentials needed for school. Because it’s not easy for children everywhere to attend school, I’m humbled that I even had the opportunity to attend a secondary school and now I have the opportunity to help those who are trying to further themselves like I was able to.
All that being said God has a time and place for everything and I need your help. Having the tables turned and providing assistance to those who haven’t had the chance to go to school, I’m realizing I can’t do this by myself.
I need to raise $800 by February 26th (which is very very very last minute and I know this) but I truly believe God will let it all fall into place. If 20 of my friends/family donated $40 dollars, I’d have my goal. Anyways, I’ve been fundraising by making and selling bracelets and my friend and I are teaming up by having a spaghetti dinner.
But I still need help. There are a number of ways you can donate- give me jobs and pay me. Like babysitting, housesitting, making me run a mile, etc.
Or:
You can send the donation form and a check or money order made out to: Adoption Ministry of YWAM (do not put my name anywhere on the check or money order).
Or:
you can make a donation by credit card (Visa & MC) by using the donation form or calling: 18889682367 or 1 2537702283 (if by phone, please let them know funds are for my portion of the team expenses).
Even if you don’t donate, prayers are especially welcomed in this fundraising and missioning process.
Thank you so much for supporting me in advance.
DONATION FORM (Contact me if you're interested in receiving a donation form)
Thursday 22 January 2015
Sarah to ethiopia 2015
I've been fundraising for my Ethiopia mission trip for a few months now and I'd like to update everyone on the progress. It looks like that I only need to sell 25 more bracelets before I reach my goal of a $300.00 registration fee. Realistically, 25 isn't that many. Which is great! I just need your help in achieving this goal. Bracelets are $5.00. To think that you spend around that much for a cup of coffee when you could sacrifice one cup of coffee to send a girl to another country. Plus, I have all the colors of the rainbow. Or even better, colors to support your football team (GO SEAHAWKS).
So. 25 bracelets to go. Superbowl coming up. People need items to show their support. Send a girl to Africa.
LET'S DO THIS.
I love you all.
(Ps. attached is a picture of what they look like. This was taken to thank the teacher from high school who purchased 10 for the student body representatives at my Alma Mater. Like I stated, they can be any color.. don't be deterred from the specific color these are)
You can donate via Paypal, or contact me. Below is the link for my Paypal.
Donate here for Ethiopia!
Tuesday 9 September 2014
Ethiopia is calling me
A lot can happen in a year.
This time last year I was gallivanting England with my study abroad group but now, a year has passed and I'm being called to go to Ethiopia in 2015. The timing of this trip is perfect. I graduate in June 2015 and so I'll be transitioning my life to adjust to that of the real world- worried about getting a permanent job, moving out of the home I live in currently, and worrying about student debt.
I'm excited to make this trip happen. Because I'll be worrying about all these things at once, I'm excited to go into another country where they worry about simple things like access to food and water, where I take these things for granted. I'm excited for the challenging step outside my own view of the world and see how others live around the world. It's one thing to hear about it but to actually place your feet in those shoes is humbling.
The trip is through my church and through YWAM. Like last time, I'm making bracelets (because I'm not very creative and can't think of anything else to do) but fortunately, they last forever. They look flimsy but the love and gratitude make sure they last forever. ;)
Attached below is a picture of a couple sample bracelets. I have all sorts of colors so I can customize the colors of your choice. I've also attached a "donate" button connected to my paypal.
If you're interested you can contact me through phone, facebook, or email. I'm already so grateful for everyone's support and blessed I even have this opportunity to get myself in check.
Click here!
Ethiopia
Sunday 8 December 2013
like a wave on the rocks, lessons crashed down on me.
There was an urge to update everyone on this quarter.
After study abroad, I came back to the states and expected too much out of my return. I was expecting fanfare and drastic changes in the familiarity that I left. Because I was surrounded with unknown and spontaneity in this fascinating new adventure I called England, I was hoping when I returned that things had changed.When I figured out things were still the same from when I left, I fell back into complacency. I hate that feeling. Being complacent is almost as if I'm settling with things and not wanting to change. I did want things to be different and I hate the feeling of complacency.
Many of you think that because I was only taking 2 courses this quarter because my study abroad rolled over to fall quarter that I had a really easy quarter. And in certain respects, I did. I was able to focus on my classes and try and focus on relationships. Unfortunately, everyone close to me has been preoccupied with their new acquired romantic relationships. I've been feeling lonely because I have felt that I've been glossed over and forgotten. With all this time I've had to mull over my self-pity and loathing feelings, I figured out that I can't not be who I was before. Although God changed me in ways I can't express or even convey to friends, I have to continue being that person God created me to be.
There are some people who rely on being cheered up by someone and typically, that person was me. Before I left, I remember being told that I "lit a room up when I walked in" and that I was always cheery which helped the day look brighter. Recently, a friend approached me and asked "Why have you been so grumpy lately?" It didn't hit me until this person asked me this that I've been slacking. Each person has their God-given gifts and mine is being able to encourage and help cheer up. Being that somebody to talk to. I've been slacking in this. While I've been trying to figure out my feelings and sort things out internally, I haven't been that person people can come to to talk to like before.
I've been closed off and bitter towards those who have found recent happiness or too busy to have one-on-one time. I've held grudges towards those who I felt haven't made time to be friends with me and those who haven't bothered to ask me how I'm doing. That part is always hard for me. People come to me and just expect me to want them to dump their problems on me but there are days where I can't handle it. I do have my own problems and would like someone to talk to about them without any judgement or glossed over remarks. I want someone to be able to recognize I need someone to talk to also. Like a therapist needing their own therapist who needs their own therapist. You get it. I have felt like I've been forgotten until someone needs to talk to me about something. I feel like I've been glossed over and taken advantage of. And no one really to express these feelings to. But I realized that it's not about me. It shouldn't be about me.
So, in these past couple weeks I've been fighting this new "Sarah" with the old Sarah and trying to intertwine qualities of both "Sarah's" to fit the needs of others.
In all of this, I wanted to apologize to those who have felt like they couldn't come to me as of late. I'm sorry for not being there for you and being held up in my own feelings to recognize your hurt.
After study abroad, I came back to the states and expected too much out of my return. I was expecting fanfare and drastic changes in the familiarity that I left. Because I was surrounded with unknown and spontaneity in this fascinating new adventure I called England, I was hoping when I returned that things had changed.When I figured out things were still the same from when I left, I fell back into complacency. I hate that feeling. Being complacent is almost as if I'm settling with things and not wanting to change. I did want things to be different and I hate the feeling of complacency.
Many of you think that because I was only taking 2 courses this quarter because my study abroad rolled over to fall quarter that I had a really easy quarter. And in certain respects, I did. I was able to focus on my classes and try and focus on relationships. Unfortunately, everyone close to me has been preoccupied with their new acquired romantic relationships. I've been feeling lonely because I have felt that I've been glossed over and forgotten. With all this time I've had to mull over my self-pity and loathing feelings, I figured out that I can't not be who I was before. Although God changed me in ways I can't express or even convey to friends, I have to continue being that person God created me to be.
There are some people who rely on being cheered up by someone and typically, that person was me. Before I left, I remember being told that I "lit a room up when I walked in" and that I was always cheery which helped the day look brighter. Recently, a friend approached me and asked "Why have you been so grumpy lately?" It didn't hit me until this person asked me this that I've been slacking. Each person has their God-given gifts and mine is being able to encourage and help cheer up. Being that somebody to talk to. I've been slacking in this. While I've been trying to figure out my feelings and sort things out internally, I haven't been that person people can come to to talk to like before.
I've been closed off and bitter towards those who have found recent happiness or too busy to have one-on-one time. I've held grudges towards those who I felt haven't made time to be friends with me and those who haven't bothered to ask me how I'm doing. That part is always hard for me. People come to me and just expect me to want them to dump their problems on me but there are days where I can't handle it. I do have my own problems and would like someone to talk to about them without any judgement or glossed over remarks. I want someone to be able to recognize I need someone to talk to also. Like a therapist needing their own therapist who needs their own therapist. You get it. I have felt like I've been forgotten until someone needs to talk to me about something. I feel like I've been glossed over and taken advantage of. And no one really to express these feelings to. But I realized that it's not about me. It shouldn't be about me.
So, in these past couple weeks I've been fighting this new "Sarah" with the old Sarah and trying to intertwine qualities of both "Sarah's" to fit the needs of others.
In all of this, I wanted to apologize to those who have felt like they couldn't come to me as of late. I'm sorry for not being there for you and being held up in my own feelings to recognize your hurt.
Thursday 17 October 2013
Concluding remarks
Hey everyone! Thought I'd take some time and catch everyone up since my study abroad trip.
I've been home for almost a month from my London study abroad and I have to be honest, it's been a rough 3 weeks. Not necessarily because of life situations or anything within itself but because of the reverse culture shock I've been experiencing. That's weird for me to say since I was only in London for three weeks and I'm the kind of person to not like to over-exaggerate feelings. So let me explain a bit.
This was my first "abroad" trip if you don't consider taking a trip to Canada for a few days. I came back home and was all over the place. I didn't have time to relax and rest up like you could imagine or how I hoped. I came back hanging out with friends, getting ready for school and five days later, school started. With the jet lag, I was able to recover within two or three days- I was really thankful for that.
For the first week and a half I was gone, I was homesick. I wanted to go home so bad to my familiar place, my familiar friends, and my familiar culture. I use "my" intentionally. But then it got closer to our departure date home and I didn't want to leave this wonderful place. I realized I loved having something to do everyday and loved the new. This experience was incredible. And the people I was on the trip with were incredible. Especially on a trip like this, we weren't sure how our relationships would change when we got back home because of us shifting back into our familiar place.
So I came home and fell back into my original routine. My molted place in life I left when I left Washington.
I was dissatisfied. I didn't like going through the motions. But when I came home, I didn't realize I did that. I fell back into my pattern as if I didn't go to London. I came back changed.
New romantic relationships formed among friends over the summer and it was nice getting away from that in London. Don't get me wrong, I was SO happy for everyone and as long as they're happy, I'm happy. But at the same time I was thankful I was able to do "just Sarah" when I was gone. Getting out of the familiarity was something I desperately needed. I needed that time to find out more things about myself and be able to do things that I wanted to do. It's hard to explain but when you're with your close friends all the time, you start to mold together and become one person. When I left for London, I was able to be Sarah. It was refreshing.
Anyways school starts and I'm so wrapped up with seeing familiar faces and feeling nostalgia for the previous school year. Old friend here. Old friend there. New friends everywhere. It was fantastic.
After the new school year hype wore off, I started to feel "depressed". I use that term lightly because there are those who are clinically depressed and so I don't want to label myself with a serious condition. I came back and felt empty and I could not figure out why. After I was able to sit down and think was when I started feeling down.
Only a few days ago was I able to pinpoint exactly why I was feeling the way I was. There are a couple reasons why.
1. As some of you may know, my parents are no longer in my life because of poor decisions they made. This has greatly affected me. Their absence may have happened years ago but, as a professor who was on the London trip told me because he has gone through similar things, the pain never goes away. Time may make it fade but it never stops bothering you. Which encouraged me, in a strange way, because he wasn't denying my feelings and wasn't diminishing the pain I sometimes feel. He was affirming the way I feel. It's times when I do a big thing where the absence of my parents greatly affect me. To reiterate how this trip came about that I wish my parents witnessed:
They didn't see my trip get fully funded because of donations or purchases of my bracelets I made.
They didn't see me in the process of writing donation letters because I wasn't sure how I was going to make the last couple thousand dollars when, in fact, the next day a check came in the mail for the amount of money I needed.
They didn't see me pack.
They didn't see me off at the airport.
They didn't kiss me goodbye.
They didn't even know about this trip.
2. When I left London, I left a piece of me there. I was changed in indescribable ways. God worked in me in ways I didn't know until I had a conversation with a couple a few days ago. It was almost an "aha", epiphany, moment when I realized that God did have a bigger purpose for me on that trip. It may have been just "study abroad" but God taught me the meaning of faith. There were questions I had for years but on the trip when those same questions were asked again, God spoke to me answering those questions. If I wasn't on that trip, I probably wouldn't have had those questions answered. So, a number of things happened there that couldn't have happened at home. I understand that now. Because of these things happening there, I left that there. I marked my place in that place and London has made its mark on me. I may not have gone for the purpose of a mission trip but it did change me. I witnessed a different culture for the first time and experienced newness.
3. I had no summer.
I worked 40 hours a week.
I worked straight from finals of spring quarter until august 31. That was tough.
I came back from London and 5 days later, school started. I haven't had time to catch my breath really. For me, this does a toll on me. In all technicalities, I've been on the go since spring break. That's a long time.
Now that I've been able to reflect and process everything that has happened in the past couple months, yesterday was the first day I actually felt myself. I even had friends noticing that I wasn't acting like my "usual" self. (But to be honest, I can't be expected to act the same way all the time so in turn it annoyed me knowing I was expected to act one way and if I didn't, it freaked people out. I'm still Sarah, just not the Sarah you want.) Now I feel myself and it feels great.
School has started and I've gotten in the routine of things. Trying to make my friends find time to hang out with me is difficult but I'm so thankful I have them around nonetheless. I'm thankful for this wonderful opportunity and I'm grateful for the support I received through this.
I've been home for almost a month from my London study abroad and I have to be honest, it's been a rough 3 weeks. Not necessarily because of life situations or anything within itself but because of the reverse culture shock I've been experiencing. That's weird for me to say since I was only in London for three weeks and I'm the kind of person to not like to over-exaggerate feelings. So let me explain a bit.
This was my first "abroad" trip if you don't consider taking a trip to Canada for a few days. I came back home and was all over the place. I didn't have time to relax and rest up like you could imagine or how I hoped. I came back hanging out with friends, getting ready for school and five days later, school started. With the jet lag, I was able to recover within two or three days- I was really thankful for that.
For the first week and a half I was gone, I was homesick. I wanted to go home so bad to my familiar place, my familiar friends, and my familiar culture. I use "my" intentionally. But then it got closer to our departure date home and I didn't want to leave this wonderful place. I realized I loved having something to do everyday and loved the new. This experience was incredible. And the people I was on the trip with were incredible. Especially on a trip like this, we weren't sure how our relationships would change when we got back home because of us shifting back into our familiar place.
So I came home and fell back into my original routine. My molted place in life I left when I left Washington.
I was dissatisfied. I didn't like going through the motions. But when I came home, I didn't realize I did that. I fell back into my pattern as if I didn't go to London. I came back changed.
New romantic relationships formed among friends over the summer and it was nice getting away from that in London. Don't get me wrong, I was SO happy for everyone and as long as they're happy, I'm happy. But at the same time I was thankful I was able to do "just Sarah" when I was gone. Getting out of the familiarity was something I desperately needed. I needed that time to find out more things about myself and be able to do things that I wanted to do. It's hard to explain but when you're with your close friends all the time, you start to mold together and become one person. When I left for London, I was able to be Sarah. It was refreshing.
Anyways school starts and I'm so wrapped up with seeing familiar faces and feeling nostalgia for the previous school year. Old friend here. Old friend there. New friends everywhere. It was fantastic.
After the new school year hype wore off, I started to feel "depressed". I use that term lightly because there are those who are clinically depressed and so I don't want to label myself with a serious condition. I came back and felt empty and I could not figure out why. After I was able to sit down and think was when I started feeling down.Only a few days ago was I able to pinpoint exactly why I was feeling the way I was. There are a couple reasons why.
1. As some of you may know, my parents are no longer in my life because of poor decisions they made. This has greatly affected me. Their absence may have happened years ago but, as a professor who was on the London trip told me because he has gone through similar things, the pain never goes away. Time may make it fade but it never stops bothering you. Which encouraged me, in a strange way, because he wasn't denying my feelings and wasn't diminishing the pain I sometimes feel. He was affirming the way I feel. It's times when I do a big thing where the absence of my parents greatly affect me. To reiterate how this trip came about that I wish my parents witnessed:
They didn't see my trip get fully funded because of donations or purchases of my bracelets I made.
They didn't see me in the process of writing donation letters because I wasn't sure how I was going to make the last couple thousand dollars when, in fact, the next day a check came in the mail for the amount of money I needed.
They didn't see me pack.
They didn't see me off at the airport.
They didn't kiss me goodbye.
They didn't even know about this trip.
2. When I left London, I left a piece of me there. I was changed in indescribable ways. God worked in me in ways I didn't know until I had a conversation with a couple a few days ago. It was almost an "aha", epiphany, moment when I realized that God did have a bigger purpose for me on that trip. It may have been just "study abroad" but God taught me the meaning of faith. There were questions I had for years but on the trip when those same questions were asked again, God spoke to me answering those questions. If I wasn't on that trip, I probably wouldn't have had those questions answered. So, a number of things happened there that couldn't have happened at home. I understand that now. Because of these things happening there, I left that there. I marked my place in that place and London has made its mark on me. I may not have gone for the purpose of a mission trip but it did change me. I witnessed a different culture for the first time and experienced newness.
3. I had no summer.
I worked 40 hours a week.
I worked straight from finals of spring quarter until august 31. That was tough.
I came back from London and 5 days later, school started. I haven't had time to catch my breath really. For me, this does a toll on me. In all technicalities, I've been on the go since spring break. That's a long time.
Now that I've been able to reflect and process everything that has happened in the past couple months, yesterday was the first day I actually felt myself. I even had friends noticing that I wasn't acting like my "usual" self. (But to be honest, I can't be expected to act the same way all the time so in turn it annoyed me knowing I was expected to act one way and if I didn't, it freaked people out. I'm still Sarah, just not the Sarah you want.) Now I feel myself and it feels great.
School has started and I've gotten in the routine of things. Trying to make my friends find time to hang out with me is difficult but I'm so thankful I have them around nonetheless. I'm thankful for this wonderful opportunity and I'm grateful for the support I received through this.
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